Ok so having a mac I can't play Warhammer Online, which makes me a sad panda. But they have a mini game called road to war. [link] If you feel like joining, make sure to add my email in the place that asks who showed you elflord9d@hotmail.com is my email. It gives me more stuff to help out the forces of order.

I have never failed more than i have today.

So last night I go to my parents and ask for 60 dollars to borrow until my next paycheck in 2 weeks. They asked why. Three words. Ninja Gaiden 2. I've been drooling over every screenshot and trailer of this game like a dog looking in the window of a butchery. Ever since I spent countless hours honing my thumb's ninja abilities to work up the skill and speed to beat the first one, I have been waiting for this game. For everyday this game has been on the shelves and myself unable to buy it I could feel my sanity slowly trickling away like a melting icicle.

It might be the desperation, or the mix of insanity and Dr.Pepper on my face but somehow they gave. So as I licked my lips as the twenties went from my step-dad's wallet into my hand. I wasn't sure how long it took but it felt like years. It was so strenuous that my vision blurred, but as soon as I felt the last bill touch down on my palm I raced to my van.

I hopped in the peachesmobile and realized I forgot my keys....and pants. In a cry of frustration, I dashed form my van to my room on the second floor, I had heard a squeal on the way which meant I either stepped on the cat or ran over my mom, but none of that mattered. I flew down the stairs like I had the winged feet of hermes, and got into the van and turned it on.

To my dismay I saw the fuel meter, and the low gas light was on. And I hesitated.

I wasn't getting payed for another two weeks and this was all the money I was getting until then. I knew I had enough to get to wal-mart and back but I didn't have much more than that.

No.

I had gone too far to turn back now. So I pul out of the driveway and sped onto the road like a giant maroon blur. I was driving so fast I was passing bullets. So as I pull into the giant, white-trash and rusty car filled parking lot I search high and low for a parking spot. I did find one right next to the door but a man with one tooth and a beard that looked like it hasn't touched soap or water since before I was born pulled into it with his tractor.

I cursed the the video game fortunes and continued my search. I finally found a spot and ran into the store. As the little old lady came to greet me in the typical fashion of the creatures of wal mart I shoved her out of my way sending her wig and i think dentures skidding through the grocery cart wheels of random passerby's and fat people as I made my way to the videogame section.

I walked up to the green and white illuminated section where a ginger kid with a mullet stood playing guitar hero like the pro he wasn't. I then scanned the 360 titles until my eyes locked on.

Ninja Gaiden 2.

I pressed my face against the glad like a fat kid outside a cupcake store as a chorus of angels sang hallelujah in my head until one of the highly intelligent wal mart workers adjusted his inch this glasses and addressed me. "Can I halp yah?" he said through his tooth. Unable to take my eyes of my prize I pointed at the game and he unlocked the glass and I grabbed the box. I held it like a mother holds her first newborn and a tear came to my eye as I saw the light glisten off the scythe that Ryu Hayabusa was brandishing.

"So you wanna pay for it here or up front?" My dim-witted helper asked. I took it you his counter and reluctantly handed the game to him as he scanned it. I then saw the Over Eighteen? sign come onto the screen and he looked at the game. Then at me. Then the game. Then at me. Then the game. Then the game. Then me. I then asked if he'd like to see an ID and he agreed. I whipped my wallet out of my pocket so fast you'd think I was in a western duel and someone said 'draw'. He then looked at my ID. Then at me. Then my ID. Then me. Then he handed it to me and took the last of my money and gave me a few coins in return.

I then rushed out of the lice and tobacco spit infested store (stepping on the greeter on the way out) and rushed back to my van. I drove back home. Ran upstairs while I ripped the plastic off my precious. Only to find my xbox 360 missing. I ran to my brothers room and asked him where he put it. He said he wasn't telling me until I finished his chore for him. I kicked out his char and with my foot to his throat I stared him in the eyes with my eyes of determination and borderline insanity and said in a tone that would freeze a volcano. "Give me my 360, before I go JAMBALAYA ON YOUR ASS!"

He ran off and returned with the console. I snatched it and ran to the rec room. I hooked up the cords (which took longer than usual because my hands were shaking) and bit my bottom lip with anticipation. I clicked the power button and did al I could do to not soil myself with excitement. Then I heard a strange noise and saw the most horrifying thing I've seen since I caught my parents having sex.

The Red Ring of Death.

I had heard the rumors and scoffed at them but I saw it live and in person. My heart shattered into countless pieces and fell into the pits of my bowels. I collapsed in the fetal position trembling for about half an hour when i was reminded of a rumor of a way to fix my xbox.

I hurriedly scoured the depths of youtube until I cam across the towel technique. I wrapped my xbox up in towels and waited twenty minutes, counting on my own, then let it cool another fifteen. I then unwrapped it like a 5 year old opening a christmas present and set it back up. I hit the button again and stared at the console waited for those wonderful green lights of harmony to spin, but alas the red that I once mocked danced around the power button laughing at my anguish.

Penniless, broken spirited, and hungry I came to the computer and fought the tears of anguish to write this testament to the failure that is this day. Now I will go curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep. A poor, young adult who has witnessed hope, wonder, joy, anguish, fear, and pain.

Tears are the only thing that will accompany me into the next day. Cold salty tears